Memo #5

Nadima Skeff

Memo #5

Contextualizing yourself

I grew up in country where soccer is everything. Futebol is the face of the society,  the biggest passion, where the money flows, what is constantly on TV. Being a futebol player is the most wanted job, the most watched sport, how we are known around the world. Futebol is power, suffering, and history. It is also luxury, money, and segregation. The world watches Brazilian futebol meticulously, but there is only one problem, Brazilians only know one side of the sport: the men’s side.

When I was young, futebol was everywhere. We played at school, in the street, at the beach, sand pits, basketball courts, tennis courts, hard surface, wood surface, concrete surface, grass surface, turf surface, soap surface! Every kid dreamt about being a professional soccer player. I grew up watching Ronaldo, Roberto Carlos, and Rivaldo. Futebol is everything, and I wanted to be part of it. However, there was only one problem: I was not a man.

The fact that I was not a man held me back in my development as a player. I was not allowed to play tournament or games in the school, and although at some point I found a club that allowed me to play, this club only had boys playing. Being a girl playing futebol in Brazil is very complicated. There are a lot barriers to overcome and moments of pain and desire of quitting. At the same time, this constantly fight gives a lot of strength and character to the girl who one day wished to become a professional soccer player.

Regardless of amount of training provided for girls in my city, I had the opportunity to play for the Brazilian National Team and help my country to win a South American Cup. At 20 years old I was blessed to play in a university in Savannah, Georgia,  called Armstrong State University. It took me a  long time to understand the gaps and differences between futebol and soccer. Here in the United States, soccer is acceptable for women. Actually if you are a girl,  the first choice of sport will be probably soccer. Family, friends and organizations do not criticize you for playing nor do they question your sexual orientation. I was amazed at how easy things were here. The soccer games were full of families watching and supporting their daughters. It was definitely more welcoming and had this sense of a family environment when comparing to Brazilian futebol fields. After 3 amazing years studying and playing for an university, I started coaching for a local club. At some point in my life I thought I would never be a coach or work with kids. However, I fell in love fast. It was easy to feel intrigued about American soccer especially women’s soccer. Despite the financial support, it was nice to see how natural futebol could be introduced to girl’s life if society accepted and allowed girls to play. I have not left America, Brazil is a South American country and U.S. belongs to the North part of america, and still, how can soccer/futebol can be view completely different from both of these countries?

There were no differences towards girls and boys. There were no rules to keep them separated in the young ages. There were no specifications. Kids just needed a soccer ball and appropriate outfit to play. The flexibility of the word “appropriate outfit” went beyond my imaginations. In the U.S., young girls sometimes came to soccer practice wearing tutus and colorful soccer socks. There were girls wearing dirty clothes and sometimes a  big bow in their hair. Sometimes they would wear cute braces or have their crazy hair out.  Face painted and matching colored laces. Everything was allowed. There was no big expectation on how a girl is supposed to look like if she decides to play soccer. She is what she wants to be and the soccer ball is on her foot.

In the club I worked with, I had the opportunity to coach boys and girls. I enjoyed very much coaching both genders. For years, I was able to see differences between each group. Also, I was able to see differences during age transitions on each group. Growing up in a different country and different culture, a lot times I did not understand the dynamics of kids here in the U.S.. The sport was more about socializing than actually the crazy passion.  However, these kids did not have a Ronaldinho in their live. American soccer players did not grow up watching Pele, Romario, and Roberto carlos. Soccer is not everything in the U.S., people do not depend on this amazing sport. Consequently, bringing my passion about the game was my ultimate goal while I was coaching.  

After a while, I could see that bringing my passion was not enough to make my players the best they could be. Often I felt like I was one of these parents who grew up in such scarce times that once they had kids they wish to provide everything they can. The fact that I only played with boys until later in adolescence made me wonder several times, why there was a huge gap in expectations, discipline, technical and tactical abilities between girls and boys in U.S. My dream as a coach is to develop girls to become as or more successful than I was as player. However, I was constantly struggling to understand how much I could actually influence the players as a coach.

While attending classes at Rhode Island College to pursue a Master’s in Youth Education and Leadership, I started receiving lectures with focus on sociocultural theory, education policy, pedagogy, and youth development. There were so much to learn. Every class was life changing. I could not be more thankful to be able to look at youth and feel I was more capable to lead,  help, assist, and support my players to pursue their careers. One of the topics that made a big impression on me was the expectations we have about youth and the way we stereotype minorities to maintain power relations.  Although I thought that increasing my knowledge through assignments and discussions with my classmate was enough, I still struggle to find ways to practice these knowledge that I recent acquired. Just like any other social issue, I felt that if educators, coaches, and players fail to questions the dynamics of misogyny and male privilege, it will perpetuate discrimination and inequality.

After a tough game where my team played very nice soccer but struggled in certain aspects, one of the parents told me “I wish my daughter would talk more during the game”. Then he added “but soccer is everything she enjoys and she is extremely scared of making the girls upset. She is afraid  of losing friends so she won’t talk during the games”. It was not the first time I heard a parent making this comment about their daughter, or neither the first time I felt the same way watching girls soccer.  That comment is like common sense within youth sports. Girls are usually known as “social butterflies”. Consequently my comment back to that parents was:  “Welcome to girls soccer, it is what it is”.

After I said that, I thought about everything we had read, listened, talked, and learned. It made me question my attitude as a coach and a leader for these girls. Should I accept that? I looked at myself and I know for a fact I did not have that problem growing up playing with boys. I talked a lot when I played, and again, did that made me less girl or less women? Was that a problem? Did I miss the right femininity? Everyday I came to realized that no, I did not and I am not. Neither I want my players to be. I decided to question the dynamic imposed and supported by coaches, males, and society.

One time I heard in a podcast this someone saying: “We have a power and responsibility to reject what has been imposed” I couldn't agree more. My coaching philosophy has changed in the last couple of years, especially after my scrubbing my assumptions about girls not talking. When I watch my girls play and I see limitations and mistakes in their performance, I ask myself: Would I be okay if a boy player acted this way? Would I ask more from a boy? Would I expect more? Is that a gender, personally, or biological limitation? In asking these questions, I am being careful to understand the assumptions that I have, and the reality I construct with my girls on the team. Does my coaching motivate and support a girl to be and act in a way that would benefit her performance with her full expression? How can youth soccer coaches help athletes to battle social constructions of gender?